it's been a while since i've felt this way.
pent up frustration, anger, helplessness, and stress.
the last time i felt this way was probably more than a year ago.
funny how it's been like this since a week ago, when everything changed?
of course i know the root cause - but how can i be tackling it... when i have committed to it?
so many things in me are telling me to just stop.
stop, put down everything, and disregard my ego.
my self-worth, self-love, confidence and wellbeing is more important.
but one part of me - the rational part of me - tells me to hang on.
if i can get through this, i will come out stronger.
stronger and fiercer.
and i can tell others,
if i survived that, i can survive anything.
but will it cost me in the process?
will i be unhappy for the next one year, dreading weekdays and weekends?
not willing to look at my phone, because i'm so afraid of buzzing notifications?
not having confidence anymore, and just cooping myself up in my room to cry?
lose a part of me, because i'm not able to stand up for myself and instead, just apologise for things that i never did?
i know that i'm in a place where i'm unhappy.
but the world makes it so difficult to just pursue things that i love without qualms.
everything has a price.
and perhaps, the price to pay to leave is too high.
- j.s.
it's been a while since i've felt this way.
pent up frustration, anger, helplessness, and stress.
the last time i felt this way was probably more than a year ago.
funny how it's been like this since a week ago, when everything changed?
of course i know the root cause - but how can i be tackling it... when i have committed to it?
so many things in me are telling me to just stop.
stop, put down everything, and disregard my ego.
my self-worth, self-love, confidence and wellbeing is more important.
but one part of me - the rational part of me - tells me to hang on.
if i can get through this, i will come out stronger.
stronger and fiercer.
and i can tell others,
if i survived that, i can survive anything.
but will it cost me in the process?
will i be unhappy for the next one year, dreading weekdays and weekends?
not willing to look at my phone, because i'm so afraid of buzzing notifications?
not having confidence anymore, and just cooping myself up in my room to cry?
lose a part of me, because i'm not able to stand up for myself and instead, just apologise for things that i never did?
i know that i'm in a place where i'm unhappy.
but the world makes it so difficult to just pursue things that i love without qualms.
everything has a price.
and perhaps, the price to pay to leave is too high.
- j.s.
Situated in the sunny island of Singapore, Jolene recently (is 2 years considered recent?) graduated from university and is now working in a job she never expected herself to hold. Besides having frequent quarter-life crises, she also indulges in video games, anime, and aesthetic korean girls documenting their life in vlogs.
Although not as eloquent with words, she still aims to try her best to bring across her thoughts to the Internet.
