Taylor Swift released her album (Fearless (Taylor's Version)) and I spent the whole of yesterday and today listening to it. Her lyrics brought me back to those times, and I got a little bit too nostalgic so I switched it up to Smooth Jazz and I'm bopping to Chasing the Dream right now.
This week was a little lonely, not going to lie. It's not that I always had social meetings and gatherings, but it was unusual to eat dinner at home 6 out of 7 days of the week. I did go to Dhoby Ghaut on Wednesday for dinner, but that was it. No other meet ups, no other friends to text and ask them out. Jiayi's busy over the weekend (we started having this Japanese-Revision-Sundays), and Terence is hanging out with his girlfriend.
No biggie, I told myself.
I treated myself to a 12.5h long sleep, initially meant as a quick nap but quickly escalated into a deep slumber as I snoozed from 7.30pm all the way till 8am this morning. I did get waken up at 8-ish by my mum, asking if I wanted to eat dinner. I managed a no before turning my back on her and falling back to sleep. As I spent my waking hours after that, I quickly found myself being unable to keep myself sufficiently occupied. The anime that I was watching - Horimiya - has ended as quickly as I started, and there are no good Youtube videos for me to watch that's pending in my Subscription list anymore. I did a quick browse through on Linkedin, then came to a sobering realisation that it's been a little bit too toxic and discouraging over there, so I closed the tab and went to listen to Taylor Swift.
This week is such a bore. And so is the next. I'm not quite sure what I want to do with my social life anymore. It's almost non-existent and I have realised just how hard it is to maintain it. It's like, I'm always so depleted of energy that sending a text to ask someone out (especially if I haven't met him or her for ages) would take so much out of me. By the time my friend replies, I no longer have the energy to continue the conversation.
Having a close group of friends drift apart from me also made me question myself if it was my fault that it happened. No it isn't, a small voice would remind me before I spiral into a whole abyss of what-ifs. At the ripe of old age of 23 (going on 24), the troubles that I have are abound. Friendship, work, money, housing, family... All of them are just circling in my mind. On some days, family takes the lot. On others, work fills up my mind so much that I even dream about it. If I were to ask myself when I was in my final year of Uni what I see myself doing in 2 years, she would have never dreamt that it would have ended up this way. I'm not sure if my past self can be proud of me. Have I come far? Was my studying all for naught? Was I really that shit with maintaining friendships that I could lose my once-closest friends? Year by year, my social circle seems to shrink but my worries just keeps expanding.
Stop comparing yourself to others and be grateful for what you have, the other small voice would remind me. Yeah yeah, I know, I would tell that small voice and proceed to swat it away. Figuratively, of course.
Taylor Swift released her album (Fearless (Taylor's Version)) and I spent the whole of yesterday and today listening to it. Her lyrics brought me back to those times, and I got a little bit too nostalgic so I switched it up to Smooth Jazz and I'm bopping to Chasing the Dream right now.
This week was a little lonely, not going to lie. It's not that I always had social meetings and gatherings, but it was unusual to eat dinner at home 6 out of 7 days of the week. I did go to Dhoby Ghaut on Wednesday for dinner, but that was it. No other meet ups, no other friends to text and ask them out. Jiayi's busy over the weekend (we started having this Japanese-Revision-Sundays), and Terence is hanging out with his girlfriend.
No biggie, I told myself.
I treated myself to a 12.5h long sleep, initially meant as a quick nap but quickly escalated into a deep slumber as I snoozed from 7.30pm all the way till 8am this morning. I did get waken up at 8-ish by my mum, asking if I wanted to eat dinner. I managed a no before turning my back on her and falling back to sleep. As I spent my waking hours after that, I quickly found myself being unable to keep myself sufficiently occupied. The anime that I was watching - Horimiya - has ended as quickly as I started, and there are no good Youtube videos for me to watch that's pending in my Subscription list anymore. I did a quick browse through on Linkedin, then came to a sobering realisation that it's been a little bit too toxic and discouraging over there, so I closed the tab and went to listen to Taylor Swift.
This week is such a bore. And so is the next. I'm not quite sure what I want to do with my social life anymore. It's almost non-existent and I have realised just how hard it is to maintain it. It's like, I'm always so depleted of energy that sending a text to ask someone out (especially if I haven't met him or her for ages) would take so much out of me. By the time my friend replies, I no longer have the energy to continue the conversation.
Having a close group of friends drift apart from me also made me question myself if it was my fault that it happened. No it isn't, a small voice would remind me before I spiral into a whole abyss of what-ifs. At the ripe of old age of 23 (going on 24), the troubles that I have are abound. Friendship, work, money, housing, family... All of them are just circling in my mind. On some days, family takes the lot. On others, work fills up my mind so much that I even dream about it. If I were to ask myself when I was in my final year of Uni what I see myself doing in 2 years, she would have never dreamt that it would have ended up this way. I'm not sure if my past self can be proud of me. Have I come far? Was my studying all for naught? Was I really that shit with maintaining friendships that I could lose my once-closest friends? Year by year, my social circle seems to shrink but my worries just keeps expanding.
Stop comparing yourself to others and be grateful for what you have, the other small voice would remind me. Yeah yeah, I know, I would tell that small voice and proceed to swat it away. Figuratively, of course.
Situated in the sunny island of Singapore, Jolene recently (is 2 years considered recent?) graduated from university and is now working in a job she never expected herself to hold. Besides having frequent quarter-life crises, she also indulges in video games, anime, and aesthetic korean girls documenting their life in vlogs.
Although not as eloquent with words, she still aims to try her best to bring across her thoughts to the Internet.
